All Baddass Fights Happen In A Warehouse

Okay, maybe not every baddass fight takes place in a warehouse. Still…

Wrought with wounds from the previous battles throughout the tournament, Goblins and LFG stood at opposide sides of the warehouse. Metal railings sprawled out in every direction, just high enough that someone could jump over them, looking super cool. Maybe while throwing some kind of flying kick or something. Bridges made entirely out of cool looking, metal mesh stretched across the expansive area, promising to provide a multi leveled third dimension for the two comics to fight on. Hanging from the ceiling were large, randomly placed chains. Some of which, contained kick ass hooks that dangled from the iron terrain at chest or head height. It totally added a level of manly danger to the aesthetic, so don’t even worry about what the chains were for. You should probably also not worry about what that sparking machine against the wall was for either. Just know that it’s totally going to shower the battle with awesome looking sparks. I guess the machine was broken or something. It’s a terrible safety hazard now that I think about it. Actually, there’s nothing safe about that warehouse. I mean… against that wall over there was an open vat of acid. Seriously, acid! It’s bubbling and this thick, greenish smoke was wafting up out of it. That can’t be healthy for the workers to have to breathe for eight hours! Sure, the vat’s got a white skull painted on its side as a warning, but really, who’s that going to help? It just made it look more baddass. Whatever. I guess it’s a good place for the battle.

LFG stood motionless, his eyes piercing that of his opponent’s. His shirt was torn along the left sleeve, betraying a large wound that Unsounded had given him during a moment of distraction in their battle moments ago. It wasn’t LFG’s fault. This totally hot girl was watching and he had to wave at her. LFG had gained some valuable wisdom at the cost of the painful cut. Pain that he was going to have to fight through. Pain that he would use. Pain that would make him stronger.

Goblins cracked his knuckles in an intimidating display of redundancy. A cool looking, trickle of blood had danced down the right side of his chin from the corner of his mouth. He had Scandinavia and the World to thank for that. He grimaced at his opponent who stood unflinchingly, thirty feet away. Goblins wiped his chin with the back of his hand and… wait. Did he just smear that awesome trickle of chin blood? Damn! That totally made him look all Indiana Jones, two thirds of the way through any of his movies! Now it probably looked like lipstick or something. Did it look stupid now? He wasn’t going to have to go through this really important battle, looking like he’s wearing lipstick, was he? Now this was going to bug him! He looked around for a mirror. What, no mirror?! Oh no, of course not! A mirror could break and create dangerous shards of glass! A topless vat of bubbling acid, the size of a car is fine, but a mirror is too dangerous!

LFG watched Goblins look around the room. Obviously he was searching for a weapon of some kind. This was surely going to be a tough fight.

Crap. LFG was watching him. Should he maybe ask if he had a mirror? No, that’s stupid. Maybe he should just ask if the blood on his chin still looked all awesome and baddass. Forget it. He would just have to take off his shirt and wipe all the blood from his face. He’d lose any chance at the Indiana Jones look, but at least he’d know that he wasn’t fighting LFG looking like an over lipsticked, Fox news anchor.

LFG saw Goblins take of his shirt and wipe the lipstick off of his bottom lip. Good. That terrifying, Heath Ledger Joker look that it was giving him was pretty scary and effective.

Just then, without warning (unless you count the build up of the entire tournament as a warning), the two comics rushed each other. Teeth bared. Fists clenched. The battle had begun.

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~Thunt